The Awakening
by AZGirl
Summary: As his days in the monastery had passed, he had barely been paying attention to what was going on around him. Spoilers for 3.03 Brothers in Arms.
**Disclaimer** : The Musketeers are not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

 **Spoilers** : 3.03 Brothers in Arms.

 **A/N** : A little insight into Aramis's life at the monastery with this second tag to the third episode, which in turn informs a particular scene from it.

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" _With the Lord at your back, you need not fear the destruction that waits at noon._

 _He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge._

 _You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day._

 _A thousand men may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand,_

 _but none shall come near you because you have made the Lord your refuge_

 _and the Most High your dwelling place."_

 _~~~~~~~ Christophe with Aramis's help, 3.03 Brothers in Arms._

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Choosing to keep his promise to God and not go off to war with his friends was one of the most difficult decisions he had ever made. It weighed heavily upon him those first months after he had arrived at the monastery.

Because novices were required to fully confess, the Abbot was aware of his past as well as his many sins. However, in fear of endangering the Queen and the Dauphin, not to mention his three brothers, it would never truly be a full confession as he had already vowed to never reveal the exact details of his greatest sins. Those details were between him and God _only_.

Life at the monastery was so different from his old life with the Musketeers in Paris. Adjusting to the rigid schedule was difficult, but he was getting better and, to a degree, was even enjoying the consistency to his days.

Praying, reading, and working were the monastery's three main activities throughout the day. Novices were assigned the greatest variety of work in order to find which functions they were best suited for, which in turn would benefit the monastery.

Unless he had personal need, or there was an emergency where extra help was required, Aramis was not allowed to help out in the Infirmary for at least the first year, due to its close association with his former life. Because he had some prior experience from when he was younger, and it was not directly related to his former vocation, he was allowed to work in the Brewhouse.

Larder, Frater, Cellarium, Garden – all were work stations that he had been assigned to since he had arrived. None capture his interest, except perhaps the gardens, and the less said about the Bakehouse the better.

His heart remained heavy for abandoning his brothers to the horrors of war without him to watch their backs. As a result, he barely paid attention to the offices of the day those first weeks. From Prime to Compline, it was all a blur because his grief was still so deep and his guilt difficult to get past despite the confession of his sins to the Abbot and to God. However, as the days continued to pass by, each one blending into the next, the many hours spent in prayer, reading, and silence began to soothe his battered soul.

The monks didn't break their fast for Prandium until around midday. During the meal, there was a weekly reader who occupied the frater pulpit and read to the monks during meals. There was a long standing set of rotating readings, which only changed for the most holy of days.

Because he already knew his Latin, he was one of the few novices allowed to be a weekly reader. The first time he was assigned the task was when he realized just how sly the Abbot could be at understanding what his flock needed at times.

His own personal reading and studying that he had done before entering the monastery had primarily been from the New Testament, especially the Gospels. He, of course, knew Psalms 23, 51, and 139, but the vast majority, he had never really taken the time to read or study.

On this day, he was to read from Proverbs as well as Psalms 90 through 95. Being exposed to passages he was unfamiliar with thrilled him, and he read aloud with probably more enthusiasm than was allowed or proper.

When he reached Psalm 91, he realized that he recognized the words, though he had never before realized their source as they had been largely paraphrased from the psalter he was reading from. He had heard soldiers recite some or all of the words – a prayer of protection before battle. Now that the entirety of the text was before him, Aramis could see how it would be especially poignant for a soldier.

His vision began to blur more and more as he read each successive verse. In that moment, all he could think of was his friends. Were they still alive? Would they ever forgive him for abandoning them and retreating to a house of God?

It suddenly became too much for him to continue, and he had to pause in his reading. Looking up from the text before him, he felt tears cascading down his face. As he breathed slowly in and out to regain control of himself, his eyes met those of the Abbot, who had an odd look on his face.

That's when Aramis realized that the Abbot had assigned him to be the reader for this particular week on purpose. But what purpose? To make him feel even more guilty for leaving his friends? To make him even more anxious about their safety?

He finally regained control of his emotions and continued to read aloud. By the end of the reading, he thought he may have divined the Abbot's true purpose.

As his days in the monastery had passed, he had barely been paying attention to what was going on around him. Except for during his personal devotion times, he was almost completely closed off to God's Words. He had been fervently praying to God for forgiveness, but he had not been letting God into his heart, mind, and soul in order to receive that forgiveness. Today's reading had opened that gateway for him.

Aramis certainly paid more attention to what he was reading, to what God might be trying to tell him. Each successive office of the day was a whole new experience for him – richer and deeper. He felt more settled and he vowed to learn Psalm 91 by heart and pray it every day for his friends during his personal devotional time, and he knew it would often come to mind from now on.

That evening, he almost emitted an unseemly laugh during Compline, when he heard Psalm 91 being recited. Had it always been part of Compline? He felt ashamed that he had never noticed, but God in Heaven, he was most definitely aware of it now.

He may now be separated from his brothers of the heart as they fought for France, but he could be with them in prayer – always.

.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say to the LORD, "My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.

You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked.

Because you have made the LORD your dwelling place— the Most High, who is my refuge—

no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.

"Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name.

When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.

With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."

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 _The end._

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 **Story Notes:**

\- During the episode, Christophe and Aramis quote Psalm 91 at the funeral, specifically verses 4-5, 7, and 9. Psalm 91 is also known as the "Soldier's Psalm" and is considered a psalm of protection. It is also used during the burial of the dead and during the first day of Lent.

\- The details I shared about monastic life were cobbled together from the book, _The Explorer's Guide to the Abbeys, Monasteries, and Churches of Great Britain_ (Bottomly, 1981). While the book focuses on Great Britain, I'm fairly sure many of the details I mention were fairly standard regardless of where the monastery was located. I apologize for any inaccuracies.

\- The _Infirmary_ was also known as the Farmery.

\- _Brewhouse_ : From the description I read, this was the place where beer and ale was made. I choose to use it as the general term for the location where anything alcoholic was made.

\- _Larder, Frater, Cellarium_ : The _larder_ was where the food was stored for kitchen use. A _frater_ was the common dining room, and a place where cleanliness was specially emphasized. The _cellarium_ was the great storehouse of the monastery.

\- _Prime to Compline_ : The first and last services of the day.

\- _Bakehouse_ : The place where the monastery's bread was baked.

\- _Prandium_ : The main, and usually first, meal of the day.

\- _Frater Pulpit_ : Located in the dining room, usually near the high table where the Abbot sat for meals. The _weekly reader_ was to "read…so as to be understood; and when he has found a good and noteworthy passage, he ought to repeat it again and again…" (Bottomly, pg. 79)

\- _Psalms 23, 51, and 139_ : Psalm 23 describes God as a shepherd and begins with "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…" Psalm 51 expresses sorrow over sin and is also known as a penitential psalm. Psalm 139 is about knowing God and being known by God.

\- _Psalter_ : a volume containing the Book of Psalms as well as other devotional material.

\- _Compline_ : The last of the canonical Hours said before the community retired for the night. It was a short service which included, among others, Psalm 91.

\- _Psalm 91_ : For ease of reading, the version quoted above is from the English Standard Version (ESV) Bible.

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Many thanks to Celticgal1041 for the help and for inspiring the title! Remaining mistakes are my own.

 _ **Thanks for reading!**_


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